Archive for March, 2014

Please weigh in if you feel moved…

So most of the way through my run yesterday I started to feel my thighs come out of alignment from my hips.  I’d noticed the increasing tightness of my hip flexors already, but because I was feeling more relaxed than I typically do when I’m running (see earlier posts!) I was able to observe when this out-of-alignmentness began..Inner+&+Outer+Legs+-+2008

Suddenly it felt like my femur was rolling out away from my body on the left side every time I took a stride.  This is in contrast to earlier in my run when both thighs were moving outward in a more forward direction.

Being able to notice when exactly this begins to happen is big for me.  This means I can take corrective action when it begins rather than always play catch-up later once my hips and fascia lata have become sore.

To correct it, I brought my attention there, placed my hands and then fingers on the site of mis-alignment, and altered my speed.  I began to play with my range of movement…

That did not take care of the problem outright, but it did keep me from pushing through my pain to the point where future injury was being cultivated and into a place where observation and patience for myself — care — could happen.  I did not wake up feeling sore this morning, but rather, more aware…

 

Earlier today I wrote about how being on Spring Break helped me to realize I am sick.  All day I’ve spent accepting that I am sick, that I am going to the doctor on Wednesday morning and it is okay that I am not feeling my best.

This afternoon, following a cathartic chat with my boyfriend about our respective futures, I abandoned my plan to work out at the gym and instead took Madame (my rescue pitt) to the woods for a run.  Not expecting much from myself, I started out and was elated to find surprisingly little stiffness in my legs and hips, and very little trouble with my breath despite having a mild cough that’s persisted for days.

8 miles later I realized that I am not only sick, I am relaxed.  It is a confusing way to feel sometimes! But despite feeling broken, maybe even because of it, I let go of the pressure I normally put on myself to perform & let my body feel how it needed to.  I didn’t try to force it or push against myself.  I opened to the idea of rest, to the concept that whatever I could do was enough, and I surprised myself  🙂

Cheers — to brokenness allowing us to sometimes anyway feel whole…  And cheers to Madame!

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I haven’t been to the doctor yet – finally came to the realization over Spring Break that a visit is even called for..  And then there’s the trick of finding a naturopathic physician in my area.  Not to mention making sure that provider is covered by my insurance.

So let’s review: (1) Yes, I’m fucking sick.  I’ve probably been sick for weeks and just not realized because I’ve been pushing so hard.  Pushing..  through classes, through the mundane tasks of managing a collaborative web project, through the trials and tribulations of getting myself enough work-out time let alone the dog (on feet that are also, er, sick, of pounding the pavement during runs around the city)..  and through fear.  Fear of what?  That’s probably another whole post… (2) I’m scared of going to doctors.  Yes, it’s true.  The medical establishment scares the bejesus out of me and I avoid such a confrontation with dogma whenever possible.  But it’s occurred to me since experiencing a break (“spring” break sounds even nicer, doesn’t it?) that I am not entirely well.

No wonder I haven’t run more than IMG_0356a couple of miles in several weeks. No wonder it’s hard to get a really full breath.  I have a cough.  And stuff in my nose.  And I’m tiiiired…  So where does that leave me?  Calling my local old-school health food & medicinals store (thanks, House of Health 🙂 for a recommendation on local naturopathic practitioners and now waiting to hear back for an appointment…  Sometimes a break is good, even necessary, because it gives us a chance to notice how we are and what we need in order to keep moving..  Interestingly enough, it wasn’t the vacation that healed me, it was the feeling after vacation that helped me realize I’ve got some healing to do.

This morning I filmed my first meditation video for HolisticToolKit.com.  Thanks for watching, and see if you can find the hilarious part towards/at the end…  Anybody catch it?  Please comment if you did!  I see my slip-up as a perfect way to show the constant level of distraction we experience, even, possibly especially, while we practice meditation.

The perfection of etiquette, the sense of security we get from knowing we are ‘doing it right,’ all of these, if we are being honest, must go out the window — my moment of Zen anyway, comes from observing my mistakes with compassion and humor, and that helps me meditate better.  That helps me be a better person.  So laugh!  Cuss!  And I ENJOY your moment of practice 🙂