Archive for the ‘Transitions’ Category

It’s funny.  I remember drafting some first posts on this blog where alignment was an organizing force for my writing.  To stay focused, I used anatomy drawings I sketched during my yoga teacher training years ago.  I had actually never been able to draw anything in a literal way before that training.  Anything I created artistically tended towards the abstract.  And for those who know me well, this is not surprising.  Yet, the concentration I was able to develop through my yoga teaching course allowed me to explore what it meant to have my body, including my brain, aligned.  Not just my thinking mind.  Not just the physical parts of myself.  But everything.  And amazingly, this allowed me to grow patience.  It allowed me, as I said, to focus.  It allowed me to draw figures realistically, and to express myself in a way that felt balanced (not overly expressionistic, but not frustrated in a sea of technicality).

Skeletal IISo I used those drawings I produced in such a balanced state as inspiration in law school.  I remembered what it felt like during yoga teacher training in order to connect with a state of mind/state of being that allowed for both the technical skills to come through and the emotion, the self that needs spaces of freedom in order to create.  I had to find that within myself because it’s not how I was taught to function in school, but I have to say it allowed me to take ownership of my studies in a way that both felt authentic for me and that resulted in grades I could live with (striving for As in everything regardless of how the process of preparing for those As feel has never been something I’ve been willing to accept, that’s just me).

I find it interesting now to realize that the intentions I am setting for myself now that I’ve left law school and re-emerged into the working world are reflecting a similar internal process.  I am observing where I am, what I am hoping for my future and what I need in order to be productive in the present.  I am conscious of the “hard” expectations my employer and co-workers have of me and I am conscious of my needs at the same time.  I am aligning myself with a balance point.  It’s hard to explain, but I can feel this in my body.  There is more length to my spine than when I do not pay attention to both aspects.  There is a feeling of emptiness not in terms of not having enough, but of being ready for more.  Even my tail bone is happy to feel balance between both sides of my bottom.  This may sound silly or insane, but from my perspective it’s significant.  My body is giving me signals as to how aligned with my goals and intentions I am.  There is no pain in my posture right now.  There is no tension I am holding onto in various areas of my body.  THIS seems to indicate alignment, both within my physical self and in terms of how that physical (also mental and emotional) self are aligned with the larger world I am moving within.

Does this make sense to folks?  It feels like discourse that is worth engaging in.

Especially in our current legal landscape, finding jobs, let alone employment that feels fulfilling, can be difficult. Crafting your career to be expressive of who you are can also be tough. And yet, there is no shame in not knowing what lies in store for us.

As I work through all of this myself, I notice how nourishing it can be to share feelings and experiences instead of keeping them bottled up. I’ve also noticed that sometimes it’s hard to believe that working harder is not what I need to be doing, and that being present is all I can do.

Trusting that being present is enough takes a huge leap of faith, but it also seems like an important part of my growth process. It has to do with easing up the pressure I put on myself and the judgment I throw my own way all the time. It has to do with believing that who I am and what I have invested in life so far will pay off. I can’t know what the future holds, but if I can be here right now I’ve gained something. And the rest will come.

Feel free to comment if you can personally relate or are interested in sharing your fear, your love for the unknown or anything in between…

Found this video on my computer after graduation. I must have filmed it in February or so of my 3L year. It’s about how to breath through the anxiety of uncertainty, which I am actually finding helpful to watch right now myself…  Mindfully moving through change somehow always feels relevant… especially when you aren’t sure what’s up for you next.