Posts Tagged ‘mindfulness’

Wow, even WordPress’ Dashboard is different now that I’m back attempting to blog…

I am eating Trader Joe’s Thai Chili almonds over a 9 oz glass of Chardonnay at the Las Vegas Airport.  Truth.  So to speak 😉  It’s a far cry from where I was months ago when blogging about being an integrative law student was one of the lifelines I had holding me in check as I anxiously completed and then emerged from the nightmarish cocoon of law school.

The short story?  Ha.  I’ll try.

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It started last spring when I began meditating on my intentions and actively began envisioning how I could manage to make a decent living/improve my circumstances financially (and this definitely falls under the umbrella of “self-care” by the way).  I kept asking myself, almost in a chant, almost like a mantra: How am I going to advocate for policies I believe in AND support myself economically?  A quarter of a million dollars in educational debt I was (and am, thank you).  But beyond the debt, what kind of opportunity was I working on manifesting for myself?  What would be the texture of the “work” I would do in the world?  My goal has always been and continues to be service, making the world a better place — more specifically, helping to facilitate healing in the world, not war, not divisiveness, not convenience or expediency over thoughtfulness and integrity and cogency — not without connection between what feels to me, and to others, like what’s REAL for people and what’s IMAGINED TO BE REALITY for policy makers.  Hmm…  What does all of that mean?  And how does one even purport to hope to “manifest” such a proposition?

Well, I’m not great at telling stories in a linear fashion.  And although our lives creep by in years, which is a chronological measure of life lived, I’m not sure the actual telling of our life stories comport with this version of “reality”.  With that said (yes, you lawyers out there, consider this a disclaimer of sorts), I’d like to make this post the first in what will probably become sort of a collage depicting from various angles of time, experience and emotion what my journey since finishing law school has been and what I am projecting for it into the future…  This has basically been how a lot of has chronicled my path, but moving forward, I just thought I’d clarify that yes, this is my story.  And yet, no, it is probably not easy to follow.  LOL.  Rather, it’s something I guess I’d like to invite you, my dear reader, into.  That perhaps, is actually the purpose of this post.

I invite you to join me as I plunge into even deeper waters of finding out how law and an holistic mind, body and spirit can find not just overlap but a place of belonging in the world of social justice, in the world of corporate finance, and part and parcel for me, is how this occurs in the legal cannabis space…  That is where my journey has brought me and my triumphs, bitter failures and intimate gleanings from it will be what I write about for the next several years.

If you are down to share this journey with me in any way — by reading random blog posts, sharing them, commenting on them, seeing my posts on social media & offering a little smile even if all you dip into the waters of this crazy world of is a toenail — it is all good.  In the words of teachers and friends and mentors and collaborators I have come to love deeply, these sentences and paragraphs are being constructed out of the energy of solidarity, affection and a fierceness focused on facilitating critical reflection, compassionate acceptance, radical honesty, vulnerability as it bleeds into strength and, always, more love.

Namaste and more about the cannabis industry itself next time.

20091129_0001This is my first post since graduating. I’ll be doing more on the job front soon, but for now I wanted to re-invigorate HTK’s posts by creating one for a friend. He contacted me this morning because now that the bar exam is over, now that he has obtained employment, now that his life is really taking off, he is leaving anti-anxiety medication behind. What he is wondering is, where does he start in his journey of using mindfulness meditation? What’s my advice on beginning a practice for stress relief that does not rely on pharmaceuticals? As someone who has used mindfulness at two major junctures of her life to transition out of pharmie use (the first time getting off anti-depressants as a teenager, the second getting off of stimulants as an adult), I have some perspective to offer…

My first response to this is a simple congratulations. It’s a HUGE deal to allow oneself to separate from a substance that has brought relief in the past. It’s almost like a re-invention of yourself, and it requires a willingness — a sense of bravery — to embark on such a journey. There are probably many reasons for this, but one anyway is that change does not come easily for most of us. Generally we initiate change in our lives because we feel we have no other choice. Something isn’t working, in this case, pharmaceutical medication. Perhaps it did work in some ways, but ultimately, it is not enhancing the quality of our lives anymore.

It’s that recognition, that awareness I think that deserves acknowledgment. The part of ourselves that is ready for change emerged enough to look the other part(s) square in the eyes and say, hey, we’re done with this. We want to feel different. We want to try something else. Again, it’s brave for your spirit to say that. And it’s even braver for you to listen.

My second response is that leaving any substance behind, any addiction or dependency or just plain old every day habit, is a process. We know this. We see it when we try to abstain from consuming certain foods or when we try to keep ourselves from buying certain things that we like to buy because it feeds the dopamine receptors in our brains. Even think of when you try to stop seeing certain people — it can be hard to re-program what we perceive we need and the ways in which we go about attending to those perceived needs.

So it takes awhile. It requires patience. More than that even, because it’s a process, and because it is often a fairly uncomfortable one (physically as well as psychologically), it can be hard to let go of having something that satiates us, or offers us the illusion of satiating us. It can make us question other aspects of our lives or relationships we have with other substances, habits, even people. My point is that this process of separating ourselves from a pharmaceutical can catalyze a transformation of how we view our lives in the abstract. It can cause a revolution in our consciousness. Thus being brace enough to embark on such a journey of separation is not for the faint of heart.

The great thing about this though — the fantastic thing — is that because we are opening ourselves up to such vulnerability, to such capacity for change, who we are is able to evolve very quickly. Our mind-bodies (our “selves”) are hungry for a method to the madness that is being a human being in every day life. We are ripe for re-programming and as we find techniques that bring order to the brain and body again, we are able to settle very deeply into healthy habits if that is what we choose to do.

This brings me to mindfulness & the top ways I recommend someone go about replacing their medication regime with meditation:

  1. Find a place you feel comfortable — whether you are beginning your practice by yourself or in the company of a group, make sure you feel comfortable wherever you have chosen to be.  For example, if you prefer to have natural light nearby, do not put yourself in a windowless room!  Or the reverse — if you find that shadowy corners help you re-charge, don’t put yourself in a sun-filled room.  This may sound like common sense, but sometimes we assume that once we are “doing it” right, we will suddenly experience enlightenment and our normal preferences and proclivities don’t matter.  I say, they do matter.  A lot.  YOU must feel comfortable wherever it is that YOU are meditating.
  2. Know that it may be scary to start, that anxiety may come up, and that this is normal — while it’s important to be comfortable where you are meditating (where you are physically situated), this is not to say that the activity itself will not likely bring up fear.  This is actually why how comfortable you are to start with matters so much.  What is this fear coming up thing I’m talking about though?  Well, think about when you try anything new.  Fear of not doing it right, especially for individuals who are inclined towards careers in law, can be overwhelming.  Beyond that, it is also scary because when you settle into a meditative state, you are essentially traveling into the recesses of your consciousness.   You’re sort of exploring a whole other world that in every day life, most people refuse to visit.  There is trauma in there.  There are memories and previously learned reactions to thoughts and moral judgments about who we are and how we live.  There are many voices in there and when we meditate, we allow ourselves to be aware of all of that.  If you’re asking, why do we do this, you’re right on.  It’s a critical question.  And the answer is, when we are able to face all of that which is within, we are prepared that much better for facing that which is outside of our own minds and bodies.  Meditation enables us to experience the rest of our lives with even more strength and stability.  
  3. Find a basic practice that you LIKE.  This means, find something that, again, feels within your comfort zone.  If mantra work feels extreme for you, if keeping your eyes open feels too weird, no worries!  You just need to figure out a practice that works for you.  Maybe it’s with your eyes closed.  Maybe it means sitting in a chair; maybe it means sitting cross legged on the floor.  Maybe you use a meditation cushion so that your hip flexors don’t cramp up.  It could mean having relaxing music playing or having no sound in the room what so ever.  All of these are aspects of your practice that you can control and that you’ll benefit from experimenting freely with.  Because the bottomline is, you are only going to continue practicing if you like how you feel when you do it.  NOTE: this does NOT mean it won’t get uncomfortable or scary, but it does mean that your practice does not have to make you suffer.  There is a middle ground.  Also, this is just the start for you with meditation.  Once you find what works for you, tweaking and changing is part of the process.  Part of the journey.  Starting somewhere though is important, and liking where you are at will help ground you & allow the practice to become habit-forming.
  4. Reach out to others who can relate to your practice.  Check out The Anxious Lawyer by an amazing young lawyer named Jeena Cho.  She’s created an 8 week program to help lawyers get going in their mindfulness practice and isn’t afraid to talk openly about anxiety in ways you don’t hear very often .  You can also check out Warrior One, an in-person or online training course for lawyers & law students that teaches a classical approach to learning mindfulness meditation.  And, feel free to share your experiences on — part of what allows us to continue our practice is by finding our sanghas, or communities, of action and spirit.

This video is a surface-scratching.  It’s almost like there is this subterranean tunnel that it feels like some of us humans can often do little but claw at through a thick layer of dirt.  Our goal is gaining access to what feel like pathways toward truth, whatever that is, although for me, it means access to healing for all.  And that is justice.

An intense analogy, I know, but this video is me beginning to claw in a public forum.  It is also an invitation for others to begin following this thread of conversation so we can build more pathways of communication, & eventually, the conversation can more and more happen aboveground.  I’m nervous to share, but it feels important…

This post is in honor of my friend and mentor J. Kim Wright.  Her thoughts have been posted in this blog before.  Today though, I offer her words not just as inspiration, but as a complementary piece in the puzzle I am working on conveying through HolisticToolKit.  This puzzle is the whole of our justice system, the whole of our lives as human beings who must organize themselves somehow in order to survive.  Kim’s vision is shared below as a means of illustrating what the integration of mindfulness into our concept of justice can mean, what it can translate to in the lives of real people.  It is about social change.  It is about peace.  And leaving fear, leaving attachment to the past, behind. Many thanks to Kim for sharing her view of what the field of law may become and for including HolisticToolKit’s take on what legal education can become… Screenshot 2015-06-15 17.24.23

Second little talk of mine about the relationship between mindfulness and justice.  One leads to the other…

This video is for a friend who is pregnant and studying for the Bar. It’s a mindfulness practice integrating a body scan for cultivating clarity of vision & peace of mind…  Good for those with child & those who are not 😉

Especially in our current legal landscape, finding jobs, let alone employment that feels fulfilling, can be difficult. Crafting your career to be expressive of who you are can also be tough. And yet, there is no shame in not knowing what lies in store for us.

As I work through all of this myself, I notice how nourishing it can be to share feelings and experiences instead of keeping them bottled up. I’ve also noticed that sometimes it’s hard to believe that working harder is not what I need to be doing, and that being present is all I can do.

Trusting that being present is enough takes a huge leap of faith, but it also seems like an important part of my growth process. It has to do with easing up the pressure I put on myself and the judgment I throw my own way all the time. It has to do with believing that who I am and what I have invested in life so far will pay off. I can’t know what the future holds, but if I can be here right now I’ve gained something. And the rest will come.

Feel free to comment if you can personally relate or are interested in sharing your fear, your love for the unknown or anything in between…

Found this video on my computer after graduation. I must have filmed it in February or so of my 3L year. It’s about how to breath through the anxiety of uncertainty, which I am actually finding helpful to watch right now myself…  Mindfully moving through change somehow always feels relevant… especially when you aren’t sure what’s up for you next.

Sometimes it can be challenging to make shifts in mindset and behavior patterns when we are in transtiion from one chapter of our lives into the next. After exams this semester, my final semester, it made sense to take a couple of days for quiet in the woods. I shot this video as soon as I got back in the hopes of giving myself a bridge to get back to the feelings of calmness & serenity I experienced while on retreat (camping). It’s a quick guided meditation to help ground us in “woods energy,” or feeling quiet and peaceful.  

Feeling rushed?  Overwhelmed with all you’ve got on your plate?  Not sure how you’ll find the time for everything?  It may seem counter-intuitive, but try taking a BREAK…  Ideally, under a tree…  Check out this short video for a guided meditation you can do to rest your mind, release tension in your body & set a positive tone for the rest of your day…